My prayer to God had once come true: I got a job. But in advertising. The guy who ran the company was a good man (with a face only a mother could love) who punctuated each of his sentences with f**k. His employees would follow, “F**k that shit.” I could not use any of the big words I had learnt at university and said cryptically during each meeting, “I am sorry but as a wannabe I am so used to using big words.” My undying love for academe was my refuge during those months of f**king that shit.
The funny part is that in Bharat the worst copywriters have an uncanny ability at producing exactly what they do not say in speech: they never use f**k in their copy. They may say it to their colleagues many times yet when it comes to the crunch of furnishing their work for their clientele they never key it in. This sort of work ethic is strange and I find it more amusing than annoying. I am glad I am not in advertising anymore, for my creativity stops where advertising begins. (This does not mean you cannot hire me or fire me, Mr!) If I were to define the craft, it is perhaps best described as the coercive production of falsity. It takes a certain mother wit to connect to your audience through strategies that are pushed into coherence by a gaggle of self-styled thinkers.
I never knew Derek but when I first met him in his office he seemed to know everything about me. I was there for a lesson in strategy, which was to be more of a lesson in frying my brain, as I had failed dismally in the copywriting department. Sigh, after reading very little and writing a lot I am compelled to accept the sad truth. The thin man sat on a chair in a somewhat authoritarian way. After a conversation about which I still have no idea, his eyes widened as he looked at me and said, “You did not bring up Prasoon Joshi even once during our conversation.” Prasoon Joshi? Huh? Er… Are you talking of the Prasoon Joshi who won a Padma after the Narendra Modi government came to power in 2015? Then I want a Padma too!
I soon knew I was treading an odd path. Copywriting, like strategising, is not an art nor a science. It is like SEO—replace the “O” with an “X” and you get exactly what writing is about these days. I like Romila Thapar’s elegant persuasion (forgive me!) more than a carefully thought out sentence which supposedly sells. Add AI to the acronym and experiment with the entire gamut of info out there and voila: your prayer is finally answered. God does give you a job.
My next encounter was with Rahul who was Derek’s devotee. He was what you would call a man belonging to India’s burgeoning middle-classes. As a middle-class Indian myself, I try not to feed my companions with unhygienic, used spoons during lunch break. Rahul was a part of that segment of the population who love to lick their spoons and then—gently—feed lemon rice to the person next to them with it. While I was eating at the office table Rahul said oversmartly, “Why?” His gleaming eyes were staring at my food. Why was I eating only a box of chickpea curry? How could I? A couple of years later, another Rahul from a reputed organisation asked me the same question when he saw my CV. “But why, Dhruv, why, are there so many gaps in your CV? Why?” I did not know what to say so I said I was dating his daughter. This much is true.
Advertisements are to the gullible what cash is to the communist. It pleases, it cajoles, it corrupts, it quietens. Smart folks know that advertisers lie. There is a detailed process that goes into the making of a particular idea and campaign. The entire project is highly subjective and the twin departments (creative and strategy) should merge into one because, silly, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. But no, neither Derek nor his chamcha will agree. There is no scope for imagination even in a field that prides itself in possessing it!
Having said that, I realise that congratulating a person who gets a job is the last thing one should do—it needs to be said when one leaves a job. As that shows more courage and conviction than being caught under the jackboot of unprofessionalism where there is neither the need for pursuing the good life nor an attempt to bridge the power gap so that there is abundant humour and fun for especially those at the bottom of the social ladder.
HR, on the other hand, needs to be kicked out of ALL companies. They are not part of any ladder. F**k that shit.
